I guess this is a pretty big question that could go off into philosophical tangents and different people have different definitions. Also, there's the kind of love you feel towards your family, your dog, yourself, so first of all, let's take a look at the different kinds of love according to the Ancient Greeks:
- Philautia — Self-love. This is the most vital kind of love, folks!!! Remember this affirmation: ME FIRST! And no, loving yourself does not mean you're selfish. There's a difference between confident and self-centered. You can still be immensely altruistic and love others unconditionally when you love yourself.
- Agape — Selfless and Unconditional Love. This is pure love.
- Storge — Familiar Love (towards your family)
- Philia — Affectionate/Platonic Love
- Pragma -- Practical/Enduring Love
- Eros — Romantic/Passionate Love
- Ludus —Playful/Uncommitted Love
- Mania — Obsessive Love (this ain't love, guys.)
In today's post, I'm focusing on love between you and your significant other or potential significant other or the true love you thought you had with your ex. I have friends who say that if there are no sparks and if there's no instant chemistry, there can be no love. Personally, I believe that if there's only physical attraction and passion, that's not love. That's just lust and infatuation that eventually fade away. Now, can you have both the passion and true love in a long lasting relationship? This debatable topic would have to be discussed in another blog post :)
There isn't an exact formula for true love (and by true love, I mean enduring love) because everyone is different and everyone has different beliefs and different needs, but I have come to the conclusion that it's actually not all so complicated. Love should not be complicated because true love isn't complicated. Life can be complicated but you either love someone or you don't. You either want to be with someone or you don't. Obstacles can pop up and external events can obviously occur that make life and relationships difficult, but the point is: true love overcomes difficulties. As the Roman poet Virgil said: Love Conquers All. Problems in life are inevitable but where there's true love, there's a way.
There are fundamental aspects that go under the category of "True Love" and again, it's subjective, but I'm sure many of you will agree that these factors are a given in a long lasting relationship: mutual loyalty, honesty, trust and respect. Being able to comfortably be your true self around each other. Knowing that you can fully count on each other. Being made a priority in each other's life is also crucial. If your boyfriend prioritizes his goldfish or his cousin, dump the loser!
Both you and your partner need to want the same things too (and I don't mean the same kind of burger at Mcdonalds). Both of you need to be looking towards the same direction and moving towards the same direction. If you're seeking exclusivity and stability while the person you're dating has a "here today, gone tomorrow" approach to relationships, you will be heading to Nowhere Town, solo. If your goal in life is to grow as a person and have children, and your partner's goal in life is to play video games, you might want to reassess your compatibility. This is why you should always be clear and honest about what your intentions are from the beginning, ladies and gentlemen!
Some people don't even know what they want and this is why everyone should do some serious introspection and figure out who they are and what they honestly want in life before jumping into relationships. It's ok if a person hasn't figured everything out and doesn't know what he/she exactly wants in life (we are all human beings and everyone's path is unique) but what's not ok is when you deceive or hurt other people during your journey because of your lack of self-awareness and unresolved inner issues. Always be honest with others and be honest with yourself.
Both you and your partner need to want the same things too (and I don't mean the same kind of burger at Mcdonalds). Both of you need to be looking towards the same direction and moving towards the same direction. If you're seeking exclusivity and stability while the person you're dating has a "here today, gone tomorrow" approach to relationships, you will be heading to Nowhere Town, solo. If your goal in life is to grow as a person and have children, and your partner's goal in life is to play video games, you might want to reassess your compatibility. This is why you should always be clear and honest about what your intentions are from the beginning, ladies and gentlemen!
Some people don't even know what they want and this is why everyone should do some serious introspection and figure out who they are and what they honestly want in life before jumping into relationships. It's ok if a person hasn't figured everything out and doesn't know what he/she exactly wants in life (we are all human beings and everyone's path is unique) but what's not ok is when you deceive or hurt other people during your journey because of your lack of self-awareness and unresolved inner issues. Always be honest with others and be honest with yourself.
Mutual support is another essential element. Two people who truly love each other, support one another. Remember this, guys and dolls: a person who isn't interested in your dreams, isn't interested in you. A man/woman who doesn't support your dreams will never support you. Two people who truly love each other are each other's NUMBER ONE FAN. This is an undeniable fact. Well, in my case, my mom is my number one fan (she goes around wearing a shirt that says, "I love Sayaka Alessandra," which is pretty hard to beat, haha) but you know what I mean. 😊
Also, this is evident but both parties need to be able to communicate. Communication is crucial in a healthy relationship. It's not only about talking and listening, however. If one partner expresses her concerns and voices her feelings but the other partner doesn't do anything to address her needs and make amends, what's the point of communicating, right?
This brings us to one of the most important elements in a relationship based on true love: compromise. True mutual desire and willingness to make things right and make the relationship work. Ask couples who have been married for numerous decades and they'll tell you the truth: it's not all rainbows and unicorns. Problems exist. Welcome to life. Hardships are faced and fights take place. Fighting is normal. You don't always have to agree but both of you have to be willing to stick together. When two people truly care about each other they accept each other (flaws and all) and both people want to stay together no matter what. You may even get on each other's nerves and can't stand the sight of each other for a bit but you still care about each other. You both may be furious but the heart still cares if it's real love.
We all know that actions speak louder than words. One of the best quotes ever. For example, if a guy tells you that you're his one and only but then his long list of whatsapp contacts is 99% women (and they don't look like "friends")....do you think he's a reliable person? I mean, unless he's a hair stylist or makeup artist, is there really a need to keep in touch/mingle/flirt with other women? Or if a guy says he's very serious about you and that he see's you in his future but then he doesn't even want to add you on Facebook, isn't that a striking contradiction? You'd be surprised how many women are oblivious to these kind of warning signs. Sometimes you're so blinded by your desire to love that you don't realize you're chasing an illusion.
I'm a huge fan of coherence but you know what needs to be added to the ol' proverb? Consistent actions speak louder than words. If the man you're dating showers you with gifts and performs grand gentlemanly gestures only in the beginning of the relationship and then gradually stops making an effort, offering you breadcrumbs or even starts to get fed up and resentful, what speaks louder here? Nor the words, nor the actions but rather: the lack of consistency. Therefore, constant actions speak louder than words.
Talking to my friend Bibi, we both agree that if someone truly cares about you, he/she shouldn't have to be told what to do all the time to make the relationship work. It's ok to tell your partner what you like and what you don't like in the beginning of your relationship and sometimes guidance is needed because not everyone can read your mind. However, if you're always the one telling your partner, " You shoud do this and you shouldn't have done that," this is a red flag. You shouldn't have to tell your partner how to love and you shouldn't have to ask him to show you that he cares about you. If you need to ask someone to prove he cares, he does not care. You shouldn't be the one telling your partner, "We should be spending New Year's together. You should take me to important events you're attending. Why don't you ever give me compliments? You should make me a priority etc." These are all things that happen naturally and spontaneously in a relationship that is based on true affection and love.
Yes, there are different love languages; some people are more verbal while others show their affection by spending quality time with their significant other and others prefer receiving gifts or hearing romantic phrases whispered into their ear, but this is not the point. If you clearly tell your partner numerous times that you want more time/attention/affection and he doesn't give it, does it mean that you speak a different love language? No, it means he doesn't care about you. Plus, a man who truly cares about you, would do these things without you having to oblige him. You should never force someone to care for you. This is all common sense, right? Unfortunately, many women overlook these red flags and end up wondering why their relationships didn't work out. There's a quote that says something like "If something isn't given to you freely (and wholeheartedly) it isn't worth having." So true.
A man who truly loves you won't be unsure and hesitant, keeping one foot in and one foot out of the relationship, and he won't have any doubts about you in his future or "what ifs." He will want to make you happy, not sad, angry and disappointed all the time. He will want to save the relationship and hold on to it for dear life. If the love is real, there are no excuses. True love should make you feel safe, not like you're walking on eggshells. This seems like common sense but some people don't realize it or don't want to face reality.
Would you give up and run away from someone or something you love? I would never run away from a cheeseburger. If someone truly loved you, would he/she hurt you or neglect you and disappear off the face of the earth? Of course not. The way someone walks away from you and disappears, tells you everything. Yet, I see so many people chase the object of their desire who actually couldn't care less. This reminds me of that scene in the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding" where George (Rupert Everett) tells Julianne (Julia Roberts): "Michael's chasing Kimmy. You're chasing Michael. Who's chasing you? Nobody."
We all know that actions speak louder than words. One of the best quotes ever. For example, if a guy tells you that you're his one and only but then his long list of whatsapp contacts is 99% women (and they don't look like "friends")....do you think he's a reliable person? I mean, unless he's a hair stylist or makeup artist, is there really a need to keep in touch/mingle/flirt with other women? Or if a guy says he's very serious about you and that he see's you in his future but then he doesn't even want to add you on Facebook, isn't that a striking contradiction? You'd be surprised how many women are oblivious to these kind of warning signs. Sometimes you're so blinded by your desire to love that you don't realize you're chasing an illusion.
I'm a huge fan of coherence but you know what needs to be added to the ol' proverb? Consistent actions speak louder than words. If the man you're dating showers you with gifts and performs grand gentlemanly gestures only in the beginning of the relationship and then gradually stops making an effort, offering you breadcrumbs or even starts to get fed up and resentful, what speaks louder here? Nor the words, nor the actions but rather: the lack of consistency. Therefore, constant actions speak louder than words.
Talking to my friend Bibi, we both agree that if someone truly cares about you, he/she shouldn't have to be told what to do all the time to make the relationship work. It's ok to tell your partner what you like and what you don't like in the beginning of your relationship and sometimes guidance is needed because not everyone can read your mind. However, if you're always the one telling your partner, " You shoud do this and you shouldn't have done that," this is a red flag. You shouldn't have to tell your partner how to love and you shouldn't have to ask him to show you that he cares about you. If you need to ask someone to prove he cares, he does not care. You shouldn't be the one telling your partner, "We should be spending New Year's together. You should take me to important events you're attending. Why don't you ever give me compliments? You should make me a priority etc." These are all things that happen naturally and spontaneously in a relationship that is based on true affection and love.
Yes, there are different love languages; some people are more verbal while others show their affection by spending quality time with their significant other and others prefer receiving gifts or hearing romantic phrases whispered into their ear, but this is not the point. If you clearly tell your partner numerous times that you want more time/attention/affection and he doesn't give it, does it mean that you speak a different love language? No, it means he doesn't care about you. Plus, a man who truly cares about you, would do these things without you having to oblige him. You should never force someone to care for you. This is all common sense, right? Unfortunately, many women overlook these red flags and end up wondering why their relationships didn't work out. There's a quote that says something like "If something isn't given to you freely (and wholeheartedly) it isn't worth having." So true.
A man who truly loves you won't be unsure and hesitant, keeping one foot in and one foot out of the relationship, and he won't have any doubts about you in his future or "what ifs." He will want to make you happy, not sad, angry and disappointed all the time. He will want to save the relationship and hold on to it for dear life. If the love is real, there are no excuses. True love should make you feel safe, not like you're walking on eggshells. This seems like common sense but some people don't realize it or don't want to face reality.
Would you give up and run away from someone or something you love? I would never run away from a cheeseburger. If someone truly loved you, would he/she hurt you or neglect you and disappear off the face of the earth? Of course not. The way someone walks away from you and disappears, tells you everything. Yet, I see so many people chase the object of their desire who actually couldn't care less. This reminds me of that scene in the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding" where George (Rupert Everett) tells Julianne (Julia Roberts): "Michael's chasing Kimmy. You're chasing Michael. Who's chasing you? Nobody."
I always thought that love is like a plant, that you need to keep watering to keep alive, and I still do. This doesn't work if only one person does the watering though! My friends and I all notice how it seems quite a few people nowadays don't know the meaning of perseverance and sacrifice. These immature escapists give up and flee at the first sight of a "problem" (to them, life is a problem) and just move on, living unconsciously, without doing any introspection. It could be because some people are just lazy or they have too many other options so they don't think it's worth it to put any effort to make one futile relationship work, or they're just plain egocentric and narcissistic. At the end of the day, someone who is willing to leave you, was never willing to love you. Someone who goes away, never wanted to stay.
I'm not a love guru (though many of my friends do eagerly come to me for advice!!) but my view on this is: if someone leaves you or if you leave someone because he/she didn't make an effort to make you happy and because you felt more unloved in the relationship than when single, BE GRATEFUL. This is God and the Universe's way of protecting you and saying "Better things are coming." Also, whatever the specific reason is that your relationship didn't work, your heart may be broken :( but don't take it personally. You're not the issue. Someone who doesn't know how to love is the one with serious issues and this is not the person you want in your life. You deserve someone who equally adores you and who doesn't walk away, but stays! Remember: things don't happen to us they happen for us.
So, like I said above, true love (as in the feeling and emotional attachment involved) isn't complicated. Even if external complications arise, true love thrives. This doesn't mean love is always easy, however. It's not. There needs to be mutual commitment and dedication. Maintenance is a job, you guys! When there's true love though, both partners choose to stick together through thick and thin, and both partners put an equal amount of effort to keep their love plant alive :) To sum it up, one of my favorite quotes is: true love is two people who never give up on each other.
I'm not a love guru (though many of my friends do eagerly come to me for advice!!) but my view on this is: if someone leaves you or if you leave someone because he/she didn't make an effort to make you happy and because you felt more unloved in the relationship than when single, BE GRATEFUL. This is God and the Universe's way of protecting you and saying "Better things are coming." Also, whatever the specific reason is that your relationship didn't work, your heart may be broken :( but don't take it personally. You're not the issue. Someone who doesn't know how to love is the one with serious issues and this is not the person you want in your life. You deserve someone who equally adores you and who doesn't walk away, but stays! Remember: things don't happen to us they happen for us.
So, like I said above, true love (as in the feeling and emotional attachment involved) isn't complicated. Even if external complications arise, true love thrives. This doesn't mean love is always easy, however. It's not. There needs to be mutual commitment and dedication. Maintenance is a job, you guys! When there's true love though, both partners choose to stick together through thick and thin, and both partners put an equal amount of effort to keep their love plant alive :) To sum it up, one of my favorite quotes is: true love is two people who never give up on each other.
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| https://www.birthdaywishes.expert/love-quotes-for-girlfriend/ |
Now this is what I call True Love 😉:
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| https://www.frasi-celebri.net/frasi/MTU5MTA2/ |
